This has bothered me for the past month and I’ve talked to no one about it. I have resorted to Tumblr…I apologize for my lack of flow.

I am not perfect. I am not glamorous. I’m no mod-la (model). Honestly, I don’t think I’m a “knockout.” I’ve no “bangin” body nor do I have a degree. I don’t have the best job in the world. Let’s face it, each day I’m exposed to possible life-threatening blood borne pathogens with no knowledge of who they’re harboured in. I don’t have a fancy shmancy car nor do I have my own house. I’m not the most confident person in the world, I get self-concious about several things. Even though I am not the biggest optimist, optimism is something I strive for.

So what am I???

I am a mother who has an amazingly flawless and strikingly handsome son. I am a working, struggling, single mother. Before Jameson, my ego was limitless. I could take on the world in one day if I wanted to. I could do it willingly without force, regardless of the circumstances. Now my life has changed with a child. I have slowed down TREMONDOUSLY, I have become humbled, I have become much more vulnerable to cruelty (especially with being single). I make sacrifices to do what’s best for my Jameson and to ensure that he’s taken care of. I do what I have to do to get where WE need to be. Though I don’t like the difficulty of it sometimes, being a single mother has got to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Yes, parenting is a raw deal but all of the highs and FIERCE love and protectiveness balances everything out. I am the one to give my child a port in any storm he has. I am his provider. With him, I am Atlas. I must trust myself to keep balance, even when losing it (and I have lost it a time or two).

Because I am a mother I now have power beyong measure. Childbirth alone has taught me strength and shown my ability to handle pain. But I also can love someone unconditionally. I am able to raise a happy, independent, intelligent son. and, And, AND I have the capability to follow my dreams. AND I can do all of this at once.

Motherhood is definitely a rite of passage comparable to nothing. I would not trade it for the world.

I am a soldier. Again, unlike others, I make sacrifices for my community and my country. Even though this is yet another challenging job, being a soldier has also increased my strength, mentally and physically. (Well, physically, not so much right now.) As a soldier, I have been taught to prepare for the worst and expect the best. Because I am a soldier, I am a risk taker. And, depending on where I am, that risk is unknown. All of my dedication and hard training revolves around killing the enemy, who is the outside threat that binds a combat unit together strong enought for them to make extraordinary sacrifices for each other, their families, their communities, their country. I am proud to have served the past five years and look for fifteen plus to come.

So, you see, I am no weave queen. I am no chic fashionista. I frequent not the clubs. I’ve said this before, I enjoy morning coffee, Sunday papers, childrens’ music, and soft rock. I am a strong, willful, powerful woman who, regardless of the mistakes I’ve made, takes pride in what I do. Yes, I have been shunned for the choices I’ve made and I will continue to be. But I refuse, Refuse, REFUSE to let anything get in our way of being to where I have the potential of where we need to be. We are…falling up! lol

I guess I’m really not as simple as I thought. :-)